26th Entry

Well I found out someone has been waiting for me to post a new Entry, so here it is.

Everyone turns out to be the same exact shit. Some people get lucky maybe find 3 or 4 special people that don't betray you, and still most of them end up fucking it up and loosing them.

I'm fed up of people expecting ME to keep things together and keep talking to them, here is something you can note to yourselfs < I AIN'T FUCKING FIGHTING NO MORE BITCHES! > I've seen and been friends with some of the nastiest motherfuckers on this planet and I went through shit and still am for trusting them!

I don't get the girls of nower days, I go to school with black baggy trousers and shit, minding my own buissness, and I've been told a few times I should wear shirts, so I went a few times to school with a shirt and jeans on, and everyone is like "Wow you look hot" and "I like what I'm seeing here", and then I'm like "WTF!? nothing changed! I still have the same clothes the same body and the same fucking personality!!!" People STOP judging other people by what fucking clothes they wear! It is fucking annoying! Girls and guys and equal MORONS! Girls like guys that are funny, cute, and have a big dick, guys like girls that have hudge tits a nice ass and that are hot as shit...

I'M NOT LIKE THAT!

I like a girl that's jealous, sincere, cute, funny, that talks alot, that likes kids, wants to get married, that likes spending a day home watching a movie snuggled up to her boyfriend, that likes to talk 24 hours a day and that doesn't let the conversation die, that likes to play video games, that doesn't mind making me a sandwich and that doesn't give a shit about my body or about what the fuck I wear!

But a girl like that doesn't exist...

25th Entry

Well I haven't been here for agers, seriously, not much as happend, I've kinda found out that alot of people I trusted pretty much were just acting, to be my friends and get something outta it.

I really want to go back to the U.K., it's there that I belong, not here (Portugal). I hate everything here, I only feel ok when I'm with my bros, besides that everyday is like limbo.

24th Entry

Last night I got a text here is what I read:
"Roses are red
violets are green
I want you in my bed,
If you know what I mean"

       That brang a hudge smile to my face, the person that sent me this knows who she is cuz she is my number one fan, and the Entry is specialy just for her.

     She was the 1st girl I met face to face without any internet chats, it was almost as if fate placed us together that night. I could find my pair to end my frase so my teacher helped me by adding me to someone else, everyone already had a pair, then out of nowhere there she was with some dork, just standing chatting with each other no one else was around them. I remeber praying that moment they said to find our pair this: "please get hot girl, please get hot girl, please get hot girl" and I got a princess, her eyes were shinning, her face lightened my night, her cute voice and soft hair. It was like love at 1st sight, but I knew already that it would be the 1st and last time I would talk to her, we were both in a relathionship with other people. Still nothing stopped me from making a few jokes and making her laugh.

Now she is the only girl I talk fluent english with, the only one that has been there for me, the only one I can have fun conversations with.


And I want to tell her this:

No just kidding babe this is what I mean:

I love You to the MOON and back!

<3 Mariana Alberto <3

23rd Entry

Well I must say I haven't updated this for a while now, and I'll be the 1st and only one to say, "FUCK!" it isn't going well for me.

I made a good friendship with a mate of mine which is great, but man have I fucked up every other friendship I had with girls, again. I just don't get what is wrong with me.

I wait 24/7 just get a text from someone, but yet, nothing, I get it I saw with my own eyes hoe fuckin' boring I am so don't worry, I won't be struggling no more.

Anything I saw brings tears to someone, anything I do gives pain to someone, There is no HOPE for me.

I just want to go home...

22nd Entry

Ok so I was just trying to make a female friend on facebook, so I sent a "Hi" to this girl she sent me ".|."...and this is why I don't make new female friends...
my brain is still like "WTF just happend?"

I hate these people!

And now a friend of mine got me talking in one of those MSN conferences with people I don't know...

Oh wait I just found out she is in a relationship...Fuck.

Brain why did you turn off!?!?!?
God my brain just trolled me like hell right now.

I need some cookies and still I doubt it will fix the brain damage I just got...

OMG I just found out that one of the people my friend left me talking to is gay, and now they left me alone talking to him. I'm going to turn gay if I don't get the fuck offline! OMG his homesexuality is infecting me by computer, gays are so niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I need some girl to talk to me dammit!!!

21st Entry (It's all about the comedy)

It's all about the comedy, well I guess you got to the conclusion that this entry is just comedy...

My pc has gotten to the stage where it just pisses me off everyday...For example: I tell it to open youtube it opens google, and if I tell it to open google it opens PornHub.

I completely forgot how to talk to girls, I get the basics ("Hi" "How are you?") dead on, but after that I ain't go no ideas. It's just fail after fail...

If I was like the old me that would just talk to a girl with no problem (btw I have no idea how I did that) I would be so fuckin' happy, but I'm not, I forgot alot of good needed shit.

My brain is gets worse and worse by the day, I remeber 2 days ago I went to the kitchen to get a yogurt and I got to my room opened the yogurt and realised I brought a fork instead of a spoon.

I also remember once I finished eating a yogurt (with a spoon ofcourse) went to the kitchen and chucked them into the bin and the sink, when I went back to the kitchen later I realised I chucked the yogurt carton into the sink and the spoon in the bin.

There is also that time I was going to school and half way there I realised I left the house in socks.

I just remebered the time I was on my way home at lunch time after school, and I was texting on my cell, and when I got home I realised I stepped in shit...so after lunch I was walking back to school texting on my cell again and I stepped the same shit but on the other shoe.

20th Entry

What to talk about, what to talk about...

Not quite sure what to say, haven't had much rage to lay of lately.

Dammit just remebered I have fuckin' homework to do, that's just fantastic, and it's not the easy stuff, it's the type of homework that makes you think "What The Fuck? This is what I'm learning??".

I'm going to start it now and finish this off when I finish the homework.

Still haven't started gimme a sec...

That awkward moment when you find out your dad was born in Germany, and your mum was born In Portugal and you're English. (Nothing to do about the homework xD)


Kill me now... Please...





Finished!!!



*Iniciate sleep mode: Activated*

19th Entry

School is like war, it only gets harder. No matter how much you try to get straight A's and stuff it's never as easy as the 1st time.

Love is just another word for pain, there is no relationship without pain, and if there is, then there is no love.

Well moving away from that stuff, God I am being tought "girl language" ahahah it's quite fascinating actually. I have an awesome teacher, actually he's a mate of mine but man does he get girls.

Piano is relaxing if you know what songs to listen to, it inspires me alot, for example if you read the 18th Entry I wrote all of that while listening to piano music by Yann Tiersen, the guy is EPIC.

It's as if the angels them selfs were playing.

18th Entry

So here we are again, lost and confused in a world full of misery and hate. Where the friend you love is the person you hate, and the person you hate is the lover of your loved one. Will man ever discover true love? Will every lost soul find it's way to heaven? Will the crying mothers ever rest? Will our brothers and sisters have to continue to fight for there lives?  Will we ever find true love, or will we die looking for it?

I pass my days thinking of her, thinking about what her eyes are trying to tell me, is it love or simple curiosity? This is a question that I can no longer wait to know. Even while I sit here writing this I think of her, is it really her I want?

I struggle to breathe as I struggle to think, I cry as I smile, I am dead as I am alive.

17th Entry

Life is getting hard, and when I say hard I mean really HARD.

Decisions are getting harder and harder to make, thinking becomes harder, love seems to take control of my body. I oftenly think to myself "Do I love this girl?" when the proper question should be "Does she love me?".

After last sunday I can't go to the kitchen and look out to the patio without freezing. My mums boyfriend will be arriving tommorow, not looking forward to it at ALL! And finding out the lie my mum told to my dad just pisses me off even more. I constantly arrive home stressed, and then my mum just stresses me off even more, making me look like the bad guy.

Yesterday I past the afternoon working on AUTOCAD in class, turns out it took the guys 1 hour and a half just to figure out how to draw a fuckin' line. I also found out that the so called teacher I hate, failed me on a module on purpose. Just my luck hey.

16th Entry (R.I.P)

R.I.P.

A true warrior, and a fighter loved by many, and will be remembered as the warrior of a dog he was.

15th Entry

I died today, what I saw was something I never wanted to see. My best friend, not human but yes a dog, only 3 years old dead infront of my eyes. There was so much blood. Why would that have to happen to me, why couldn't I be died instead of him. That stupid rott weiller, killed my dog over food.

I can hardly write this without crying. Seeing the tooth mark in his head, the pond of blood under his face, his face freezed in pain. I can't write more of this. And now when I need someone the most I have no one.

R.I.P little bro, I hope you're in a better place.

14th Entry

Same shit happens over and over and over again. I want to be just friends with some girl and she ends up falling inlove with me. FUCK ME DAMMIT! I continue to have no luck, but what I learn with this is that girls like the normal usual me as a lover more then the flirting me.

Guess I can learn shit from that.

That girl I talked about yesterday, the one that asked my friend to give her my number, is cool, gorgeus hot and all, but DUDE does she irritate me sometimes, I mean she starts talking to me by text and then she just lets the conversation DIE! Then I have to try and "revive" it.

I'm at the stage of just giving up from my course, I am totaly fed up of the dick ass idiot teacher I have, he just pisses me off more and more EVERY day!

13th Entry

I find it amazing how I continue to commit the same damn mistakes as last year.

Yesterday: I was sitting in class and a girl friend of mine sent me a text asking me if she could give my number to this girl I've been admiring for some time now, of course I said "yeah sure" but at first I had no clue of who the girl was. Came to be the one I told you, thing is I have to force conversation, I mean she starts talking saying "Hi" and shit, but then I'm forced to continue the conversation and...

I SUCK AT IT

Today: I was in class just before the last class of the morning, and my ex texts me asking if she could give my other ex (the one tht totaly fucked up my heart) my new number because she wanted to talk, what did I say? "yeah sure, why not...". Well I've fucked myself up again, doing the complete same crap I did last year, and I'm freacking torturing myself, cuz she starts talking about the guy that stole her from me cuz now he is her bestfriend. I just KILLS me even more

Then at the last class I just got all the shit attitude from my teacher, he fucking treats us as if we were 30 year old men working, he still has no clue were just 16 year old kids, and that most of the shit he says just annoys/stresses me like hell! And all that does is drain me, witch makes me pay no attention at all and just feel like sleeping.

SCHOOL STILL SUCKS!!!

12th Entry

Well a new week of school has started, God I really DON'T miss this crap. Atleast I didn't fight my sleep like I have in the previous weeks. I'll tell you that the old stress you get from work is pretty much the same crap I get from school, waking up at 6am and working non stop for 12 hours (SUCKS SO MUCH!!!)

Most of you complain about the time you have to wake up to go to school or work, mate, I wake up at 6am EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK  just so I can get to school to find out that I'll be failing the year if I don't get my shit together. And forget about girls, good luck finding a little angel at my school, they mostly smoke, aren't a virgin or are complete b*tches.

11th Entry

Well I haven't updated this for a few days. Shit has gone

                  d...

                          o...

                                    w...

                                             n...

...side dunno what has happend but it feels like nothing has changed for me this year, I know it's still the beggining but last year the beggining of the year was going great!

School is being frikin stressfull!! My chance to get the heck out of Portugal went down the drain, instead of fighting to go to the UK I will be fighting to go to Germany. Atleast they can speak english so it ain't that bad.

I just hate people more and more and more, I hate love, I hate hating, I hate doing nothing, I hate going to school, I hate waking up in the morning, I hate living, I hate having feelings, I hate not having the girl I love, I hate not passing time with my bros, I hate no feeling happy, I hate feeling happy, I hate not being able to think straight!

10th Entry

I'm getting complety fed up of these dicks, people here don't know when a guy is simply joking. It really pisses me off, like if I was to say something like "Shut up!" to one of my bros they totally get I'm joking, I do it to some retard here they think I'm trying to start a fucking fight!

I'm talkin to a girl joking around she thinks I'm serious starts telling me to fuck off and shit and then there comes the calvalry, just PATHETIC! And what do I get with that? fucking sarcasm, therefore forcing me to respond in sarcasm...

I HATE SARCASM!!!!!

9th Entry (2nd)

Well I will have to use this blog to express alot of my thoughts. I've been through alot of sh*t last year, and I don't see this year getting any better.

I think that the best change I can do for my own health is by turning myself into the hardest guy to conquer, over the years I have fell in love way to fast, if I try and controll it I guess I can last alot longer with girls. Guess I'll have to try my best.

9th Entry (1st)

Well a new year has started, I'll tell you that after the last year I'm not looking forward to this year. It's either gonna start great like the last one and then end I hell, or start like crap and end in glory, either way I'm not going to have much fun.

I see other kids all happy about new year and stuff, I'm not, especially how the last one ended in big shit, everyone fuckin with me, just like that girl, that as I said, was just joking around with me. I'm gonna need to end up ripping out my heart putting it in a box locked up in another bigger box with 5 differant locks and burry it in the middle of some desert.